You know, Mary, this is an excellent point you raise. As another commenter stated, just because men in therapy complain more often about this matter than women in therapy (among the sample of Dr. Rodman Whiten's clients), it doesn't mean the reality of the gender balance skews in this direction. But I can relate to some of what you say — the idea of being a woman who (once) had such low self-esteem that I apologized for EVERYTHING. This made me a very prime target for abusive men, who were all too happy to take advantage of a woman without a backbone who was prone to blaming herself for anything unpleasant. One of these partners was practically a pro at gaslighting and never, ever admitted his own wrongs; anytime he was mad, sad, confused, or any other emotional state he was uncomfortable about — it was my fault, and I HAD to accept that.

What's important to note is that abusive relationships — particularly the style of abuse categorized as "intimate terrorism," which involves months and years of psychological and emotional abuse that escalates in severity — is statistically shown to be perpetrated more often by men.

In other words: there are a LOT of relationships out there wherein a gaslighting man constantly blames a female partner, insists on her accepting responsibility for things that aren't even her fault, and can never admit that he's in the wrong.

Do you think THESE men go to therapy? Rarely. And they're a sizable bunch.

Meanwhile, their female partners are unlikely to go complain to a therapist that "He never admits he's wrong" — because the effect of emotional and psychological abuse like that is to convince her that she always is.

Thank you for the interesting and important food for thought.