YESSS! Omg, this is exactly the conversation I had with a friend many years ago about the tropes in rom-coms that annoy us. That the man must always be sure, because men are perfect and smart and assertive and exceptionally self-aware; the flip side of this trope is that women don't know what they want and keep barking up the wrong tree, or otherwise simply not noticing the lackluster guys who truly "deserve" them.

There is truth to the idea that people will take more/bigger risks and make more/bigger gestures if they actually believe we are worth leaving their comfort zone for (i.e., when they're not "sure")... but it's also very true that it's normal for anyone to get scared.

Thank you for saying all of this!