Very important point, Joe! Yes, a key part of feminism that some people forget about is that (healthy) vulnerability must be destigmatized across the board. I wouldn’t doubt that a lot of women don’t know how to handle this and that they end up shunning guys unnecessarily. On the flip side though, reflecting on my own past experience, I also wouldn’t doubt that a lot of women take it to the opposite extreme: embracing unhealthy signs of vulnerability (e.g., abusive outbursts) from men, simply because they do see the vulnerability beneath the surface and are already socialized to nurture anyone who appears “weak.” I’ve since learned how to spot and avoid red flags of unhealthy emotional expression, but I’m thankful I grew up around a lot of boys/men who were adept at expressing their softer feelings in healthy ways; they set a wonderful standard.

Emotional dynamics are fascinating, and I’ve always meant to read more from bell hooks. Thanks for the reading recommendation!