This was so beautifully insightful that I highlighted almost all of it. I really think you've hit on something. While I read, I even found myself flashing back repeatedly to a memory of a very insightful (male) friend saying something similar: that some people are just afraid of being truly seen, because they realize that being seen means that they will have to face the issues they already instinctively know they have... and this scares them.

I suspect that women's intensive socialization as people pleasers leaves them (generally) also keenly emotionally aware. And comfortable dealing in the realm of emotion. After all, you can't please people if you can't read their emotions — past, present, and potential. By contrast, as most men haven't been socialized so intensively to feel comfortable in the realm of emotion, it makes sense that deep connections can scare the shit out of them, even if, in their gut, they know that a deep connection is what they truly want most.

One would think it's emotionally easier just to pick the good logistical fit. But people who choose logistics over connection don't realize that:

1) you'll have a much healthier relationship when you choose a partner who DOES form a deep and authentic connection with you, because that person is clearly not afraid of emotions and vulnerability (which, in turn, makes the whole partnership easier), and

2) it's NOT actually "easier" to choose the "good logistical fit" over the deep connection, because it's pretty damn difficult to spend all those years naggingly, emotionally unfulfilled.

Very interesting sociological food for thought here. Thank you for all of this!

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Love, sex, dreams, soul, adventure, healing, feeling. I kinda experience life as magical. Memoir is my jam.

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