This is really interesting to hear, and a powerful realization to have. I've questioned over the years whether some version of polyamory might be right for me, and while I'm still on the fence about that, your quote reminds me of something I heard once ages ago in a documentary about the porn industry, which somehow got stuck in my memory and keeps resurfacing of late as I contemplate polyamory further:

In this documentary, an adult film actress was asked what her fantasies were, and she said she fantasized mostly about non-sexual stuff. Romance. Sensuality. Being truly doted on and loved, in tender moments, with whoever that person would be. She explained that she'd basically experienced it all when it came to the physical side of sex, and now real romantic loving scenarios were the ones that moved and excited her most.

What you share here reminds me of her fantasy, because it seems to be in the same spirit: when one has already experienced "everything else" but the monogamous romance, the monogamous romance very well might become the greatest desire. When I think of polyamory, I think of this: I know what it's like to have casual sex, to want and be wanted, and even to commit to people in non-romantic love... but what I don't know (yet) is what it's like to be adored, chosen, and committed to by someone who feels genuinely satisfied and elated to be with just me as their life partner.

Thank you for your vulnerability, and I wish you much happiness in love going forward. :)