This is gendered in the way that it is because it’s a personal essay about a first-hand experience that involved exactly the gender dynamics depicted here… and because my experience inspired a specific target audience [i.e., men like my former (male) friend]. If people — like you — can read this and still extract broader, universal truths from it, all the better! :)
Yael Wolfe recently wrote an exceptional piece about why she will no longer add gender disclaimers to her essays about women’s experiences with men, and I feel similarly. It’s thought-provoking, and I’d highly recommend the read:
https://yaelwolfe.medium.com/why-i-wont-include-disclaimers-on-my-feminist-essays-40f5e1a081d0
In any case, if you ever write or have written a PSA of this nature with other gender configurations, please feel free to share it here.
As for sensitivity to men’s experiences with come-ons: the essay makes clear that inappropriate come-ons directed at men are still, yes, a problem. This is precisely why I challenged male readers to ask themselves, “How would I feel if someone kept making unwanted advances on ME?” It’s because I assume men would feel uncomfortable — and that men’s boundaries also matter.
Thanks for reading!