That's very sad too, H. It's heartbreaking when victims respond to abuse by shifting their entire personality in an unhealthy direction. Women who are abusive represent precisely the opposite of the standards that any man should aspire to reach. I wish they realized this. The logic just doesn't gel: "Hm, okay, that woman was emotionally abusive toward me, so now I need to make my behavior MORE attractive to emotionally abusive women." Um... why?

Point blank, "Some women are toxic" is never a legitimate reason for men to continue perpetuating toxic patterns of withdrawal / masking. Instead, it's a legitimate reason to dump those particular ladies. I wish more guys recognized this. :(

Unfortunately, when we mask our emotions at the outset (a toxic behavior), we solidify our "appeal" to partners who aren't interested in our emotional truth (a toxic sort of partner). This might be why people are shocked when they FINALLY decide to start acting authentic and then find that the partner who was attracted to their (initial) stoicism is, in fact, emotionally cold and uninterested in their vulnerability. This is precisely why pulling a bait-and-switch with inauthenticity tends to end in disappointment and pain.

Long story short: healthy, safe people are turned off by stoicism. Unhealthy, unsafe people like it. It's up to each person to decide which sort of partner they prefer, and then behave accordingly.