That’s beautiful, Elle! That’s something my current relationship has inspired me to contemplate a lot: the idea of really choosing a person, even in the absence of conventional relationship norms to hold your bond together by default.

In many ways and many situations, I have noticed that being involved with my current partner is a deliberate choice I continue to renew, sometimes in contrast to my own preconceptions about what relationships and compatibility are “supposed to” look like — and my life has been very enriched for that choice. In the end, I’m not convinced he’d want to continue a partnership if it were to open up beyond monogamy, but I appreciate that our connection has already inspired me to begin asking these kinds of questions about my own approach to love for the future.

I’m glad that you and your husband have found a relationship structure that works for both of you (and hopefully also everyone else involved). Thank you for your thoughts!