Such an important message. My first seven years of relationship history were with abusive men, and I spent basically all of my 20s thereafter single. I dated a couple guys for a few weeks here and there, or hooked up with friends or friends of friends (i.e., people I’d had a good chance to screen as “probably safe”) — but it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I got involved again in a longer-term partnership… and even then, I chose to get involved with a friend I’d known for years.

While that friend and I no longer live in the same country or remain involved, I’m still thankful for the time that we spent together, not just because I appreciate his company, but because our relationship was so healing. I learned to stop feeling like I needed to walk on eggshells when something needed to be said. I learned that I didn’t need to apologize constantly. I learned that I didn’t have to flinch if my partner walked toward me quickly. I learned that it was safe to have opinions and a life of my own and that healthy communication was indeed something I was capable of, even though I’d never gotten the chance to experience it with any boyfriend before.

I’ll probably be forever grateful for this friend/partner’s influence in my life, but especially for the fact that I allowed myself to open up to something so good and so nurturing after having known only disappointment and pain. I’m a better person because of him. And his goodness helped me to believe again that healthy love is possible. I’m glad you’ve found the same.