Sounds like you’ve encountered some women who aren’t open to dialoguing about it. As I see it, people define terms related to various types of bigotry and bias differently, but these differences just reflect the natural diversity of opinion in the human experience. For instance, if one of my friends of color finds a given gesture racist, but if another friend of color doesn’t, it doesn’t mean that racism itself is a worthless fiction.

Same with misogyny.

In the end, what will make or break a guy’s chances at connection aren’t whether he performs Feminism™ flawlessly so much as whether he’s willing to listen open-mindedly when a woman tries to tell him why she takes issue with something specific that he said or did. If the man’s not willing to do this with that particular woman, or the woman isn’t willing to do this with that particular man, then they’re simply not a match. But when the genuine interest is there and it’s mutual — if neither party is hostile nor defensive — then open dialogue is often possible and can be very enriching for both sides.

(That’s how I see it, at least.)

If you’re looking for someone who dialogues openly and patiently with you about feminism, I really hope you find them!