Penguin, thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story and for your support. My heart goes out to your wife. Weight is also something women are made to feel less-than for; I've faced my own challenges with that along the years, and I know how demoralizing it can be. At the same time, this is something I've become more forgiving about towards myself over the years too; as a student (coming out of the "heroin-chic" 90s), I felt the pressure to be as thin as possible. Nowadays, I see women on the street with jiggly thighs and think, "Wow — gorgeous." Part of the distorted perceptions come from the media, part of them come from messages we've received from others, and so on; it's always hard to pinpoint any single factor as make-or-break in self-image. But it's sad that there are so many ways in which we can be made to feel inadequate.

It's beautiful that you see your wife as beautiful at any weight. It may not seem, to you, like your love and admiration are "helping" her, but I assure you that they are much more helpful than the alternative. Having a partner who loves and is proud of you just as you are is so profoundly healing. I hope someday she feels that.

Thank you again, Penguin!