Penguin, just jumping back in to mention something that really helped me with my own self-esteem:
When I was younger, and brainwashed by the beauty standards of my place and time, I was always scanning for physical "flaws." I was scanning myself and other women (reason for the latter being that I was always trying to figure out how I measured up). This came from a place of deep insecurity, stemming partly from bad experiences in romantic relationships. Your wife sounds very loved and supported by you, but it's possible that she's internalized unkind things that others have told her in the past about herself. I think it's worthwhile for her to reflect on whether she sees other women — with similar features — as critically as she sees herself. If she sees ONLY herself this way, that's a good sign: it means she can realize she's being irrational in judging herself over things she normally doesn't judge. If she's critical towards other women with similar features, though, that's also "good" in a way... because it gives her an opportunity to practice shutting that voice down.
In my case, I reached a point where I just decided to see the physical beauty in EVERYONE. I started noticing that it existed. This, in turn, led me to realize that certain "flaws" weren't really flaws at all. And that if other people who had the same features I didn't like on myself could be attractive, so could I. If that makes sense.
The voice of self-criticism is a voice of criticism more generally — which means it's a muscle that gets flexed the more you criticize anyone's appearance. The advantage of this is, when you stop flexing that muscle (i.e., when you stop aiming criticism towards any person), it does begin to atrophy.... and it doesn't hit yourself with the same strength either.
Again, I really hope I'm making sense. More importantly, it's awesome that your wife is in therapy! Maybe her therapist can recommend some body-positive spaces where she can embrace the uniqueness of her beauty safely and have fun with that. I wish her much healing. :)
