Oh, Pepe, that is heartbreaking. What an awful thing to say to somebody. I’m so sorry that your partner treated you like that, and that you were vulnerable to involvement with various other abusive women besides. Your story and your realization that she likely had issues reminds me of the phrase “Hurt people hurt people.” For what it’s worth, my friends, family, therapist, ex’s family, and I all had our own theories about what sorts of struggles might’ve been inspiring my ex to act as abusively as he did also… so I can relate.

That said, while everyone deserves compassion for their own problems — and while it helps us in our own healing to find legitimate “reasons” that don’t come down to us — it’s still not okay for people to externalize their issues in abusive ways; we all have a responsibility to deal with our own sh*t, so to speak, so that we don’t become toxic to others. Hopefully someday your own abusive partners will do that, before they hurt anyone else.

Thank you for sharing your own story, and I wish you healing as well.