Jade, it's amazing and wonderful that you are starting to realize that you are being gaslighted and mistreated by this person. Gaslighting is designed to make you stop trusting yourself. It sounds like do you currently have some self-esteem left that is protecting you; you believe in yourself enough to doubt his criticisms of you, and you believe in your capability as a partner enough to imagine that you can fix this.
But here's the thing: he has to fix himself.
When an abusive person (from what you've written, it sounds like he's emotionally / psychologically abusing you) makes you doubt yourself, eventually, they're able to replace your truths with their own, so that their opinions matter to you the most. And then, once they've convinced you to believe them more than you believe yourself, they're able to start convincing you that you're not good enough. At that point, even if your self-esteem was good at the beginning, it erodes. This keeps you stuck in the cycle.
It's really, really hard to accept this when you love somebody. I totally understand wanting to help make him feel better, or wanting your partner to be happier with you. But people who abuse their partners do so because of deep, unresolved issues that make a healthy relationship impossible (until they get professional help, heal their inner wounds, and adopt healthier patterns). You deserve better than to wait around for this. This kind of healing could take him years. Years within which you could be with people who AREN'T acting like you are a burden or an annoyance — people (or even just one person) who truly cherishes you.
The unfortunate thing is that abuse tends to escalate over time. And abusers often become even more abusive when they suspect that you might leave them. So it's often a good idea to create a safe breakup plan in private with people you can trust, such as a therapist, a women's resource center, etc. (On a side note, if you or he decide to go to therapy, do NOT go together; professional counselors advise against couple's counseling for abusive relationships. You'd both do better seeing individual therapists, alone.)
Please take care of yourself. I'm sorry to be a bearer of bad news. But what you've shared is just not a good-news situation. The sooner you realize that you literally can't fix him and that therefore there's also no "fixing" the relationship, the sooner you will be free to find real love. And I can tell you from experience: there is much, MUCH more love to be found after you leave an abusive partner than you can possibly imagine.
I'm wishing you clarity, self-trust, strength, support, and everything you need to put this painful relationship in your past. I'm wishing him clarity and healing also, so that he will be more capable of embracing romantic happiness someday.
Take care of yourself, be well, and always believe that you deserve better. Because you definitely do.
