Intent to abuse isn’t the sole indicator of abuse, but it certainly factors in. Nonetheless, I acknowledged in the original essay that intent doesn’t necessarily have to be present. At this point, between your first response and the latest one, it looks like you’re bent on fabricating arguments I haven’t made, and you also seem to be getting yourself quite upset over them. Perhaps this would be another reason for you to speak to a counselor; it might help you develop healthier communication skills.
I have no idea why you assume I have an interest in being “the ultimate moral judge of others.” I wrote a memoir-style essay to educate readers and to share my own experience. You seem very triggered by this fact somehow. I can’t help you there.
As for comparing non-physically abusive gestures to outright physical brutalization, you’re mistaken in your assumption that acknowledging less “severe” forms trivializes the more blatantly violent ones. Physically violent gestures are almost never standalone abuse tactics, but rather form part of a larger constellation of behaviors that serve to intimidate, control, isolate, and/or hurt (emotionally, financially, physically, etc.) their target. Hence, it’s imperative that even the less blatant forms of abuse are discussed. Because only through making people aware of the variety of forms abuse can take, can we equip them with the knowledge they need to recognize and avoid it (or, at least, report it) before it evolves into physical harm.
For that matter, acknowledging something is not the same as comparing it to — or declaring it more important than — its alternative(s). You’re building a straw man in asserting otherwise; i.e., in insisting that I’m doing a disservice to physical abuse victims by acknowledging non-physical forms of abuse.
Moreover, you refer to me as a “moron” and my personal thoughts as “the tantrum of an imbecile stuck in a toddler like [sic] developmental state,” and you tell me I should feel ashamed. Since we’ve established that intent alone is not required for establishing abuse, I will respectfully and compassionately point out that, when you are conversing with someone, if you insult their intelligence, infantilize them, and tell them to feel ashamed, such a communication style is verbally abusive. Again, a counselor can (hopefully) help you.
All said, you’ve acknowledged that your opinions are decades out-of-touch with the modern scholarship on abuse, so I think we can agree to disagree; we don’t have much more to say to each other on the topic.
