I'm so sorry, Y.L. This reminds me of a weird reversal of this situation: when I got salmonella in Bolivia and my boyfriend of the time went apeshit buying all kinds of dry carbs: boxes of cereal, crackers, etc. I had no appetite for a while during my recovery. Especially not for entirely dry foods. When we needed to check out of the hotel some days later and I'd barely been able to touch the stuff (on account of, um, having salmonella) — he reprimanded me for wasting it.

So that's another thing women, sadly, sometimes deal with: finding men who understand that they're supposed to be supportive partners, but then the man feeling inadequate and flying into a rage when the woman in question doesn't respond exactly the way he thought the script should go.

Enjoyed your essay, even though it's so sad; I was writing some similar thoughts this morning about craving connection at midlife and mourning what I've never had. Thank you, as always, for sharing your experience, wisdom, and heart.