I'm glad you mentioned gender. This definitely plays into how a lot of people approach their own relationship expectations. Men are socialized to see themselves as providers of material support. Women are socialized to see themselves as providers of emotional and domestic support. Neither party is correct in hoping/wanting/expecting to be needed for this, though: the desire to be "needed" is still unhealthy.

For instance, when I was in my codependent years, I felt it was my responsibility, as the woman, to be unfailingly supportive and patient with my ex's untreated mental health issues, even though he externalized those by behaving very abusively. ("Stand by your man," as the saying goes.) Why? Because just as men are "supposed to" be the providers, women are "supposed to" be the nurturers.... no matter what that role demands of us or how much we suffer for it. Funny enough, this ex got even nastier when he hit hard times money-wise and I made the decision to help support him financially. After the breakup, he admitted that he'd wanted to marry me but was waiting until he had more money to ask. Meanwhile, I was never, ever asking for or expecting material support from him and, in fact, had constantly assured him of the opposite: that I didn't are how much money he had.

Alas, if a man is too wedded to his "need to be needed," he can kill a relationship with a non-materialistic woman... which is what this guy did.

All of which goes back to where your point and Ossiana's point converge: some men want to be needed, and they can't handle it when they realize they aren't. They're afraid that being "needed" is the only (or at least the primary) reason someone might ever want to be with them. But this is their illusion. And they wreck their relationship prospects over it. This is one of many reasons why we all need to do the work of overcoming our gendered conditioning.

Anyway, sorry that I totally geek out about relationship stuff; relationships were my focus when I was in academia. Didn't mean to ramble so long. But wrapping it up here: you're right that some people diminish a man (or a woman) for not fulfilling their stereotypical gendered roles. The good thing is, in the modern world, people seem to be becoming increasingly enlightened about this — which means that you can find partners who aren't stuck in these antiquated expectations. So if you do find one who is stuck there..... run! ;)

(Really, in all seriousness: anybody who's going to judge you for not providing for them materially is a bad bet as a partner. You can find better.)