I don’t think anybody “wants” to be a victim, so we can agree to disagree.

Could a man write a similar story? Absolutely. Of course no one, of any gender, would be well-received if they said, “My relationship was abusive STRICTLY for the fact that I never got laid.” But if the author:

  • articulated how his partner’s response to intimacy was abusive (e.g., insults, shaming)
  • clearly illustrated a broader pattern of abuse besides
  • acknowledged that his partner shut down opportunities to engage in healthy dialogue about the issue
  • assured the reader that he had a relevant post-grad education for identifying abuse, and
  • simultaneously acknowledged that sexlessness is not always abusive in and of itself…

— all of which I covered in my own piece —

Then his story would be received as intended.

Finally, sentiment is 100% appropriate to memoir, and the title is here too. The relationship was sexless in an abusive way: as I made clear, the man used my interest in physical affection as a reason to shame and reprimand me and to insult my personality and appearance, while accepting gratification for himself, and then trying to manipulate intimate gestures in order to win me back.

Thanks again for your time!

Written by

Love, sex, dreams, soul, adventure, healing, feeling. I kinda experience life as magical. Memoir is my jam.

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