I appreciate your point, but I don't think it's as black-and-white as your comment makes things sound. Also, I'm the wrong person to ask: since I was about 2 years old, I've realized that I've found gender-bending mesmerizing. (Example: my latest music video obsession is "Unholy" by Sam Smith and Kim Petras. At age 2: my obsession with Madonna's video for "Open Your Heart to Me.") I also grew up in a family where the men are straight but also cook, bake, sing, show abundant (healthy) affection, allow themselves to cry, talk about feelings, etc. Some women are turned off to "feminine" traits in a man because those women are sexist. In my case, luckily my family environment, my friendship circles, my innate attractions, and my education all probably helped me avoid becoming one of those women. Perhaps this is part of the reason why I like living in Berlin: in a city like Berlin, the number of women who are genuinely accepting of men in pink lacy thongs is definitely not zero. It's nice to exist in an open-minded place, but I think this trend is spreading: for example, look at the singer Harry Styles, who wears... well, just Google "Harry Styles fashion." He is considered a sex symbol nowadays. Yes, by women.
On a separate (but related) note, it does bear mentioning that some women are turned off to "feminine" qualities in a man not because the woman herself is sexist but because she's concerned that perhaps the man is in denial about being gay; those women have concerns about not being sexually desired by their male partner as much as they deserve to be. Given that a lot of "feminine" expressions among non-female people tend to be reserved for masculinities that are non-hetero, a man who wears overtly (for his era) "feminine" clothes is sometimes signaling non-cishet leanings, partly in order to attract partners that might be better suited to him. It is acceptable for people to aspire to having compatible sexual orientations, and their mate-choice efforts — which are often informed by gendered "signals" — usually reflect this. I don't think we can or should fault them for that. But if a woman is not sexist, and if she is assured that a man she's interested in is indeed certain about his attractions to women, she shouldn't find it a problem.
Yes, as you say, the number of women who support the patriarchy is very high. But again.... this is why we need feminism. ;)
