Great questions, Judith. (And I’m sorry you can relate!) To summarize what happened afterwards:

For several months after he broke up with me, he begged me for emotional support and led me to believe his life depended on it. I obliged, and as he opened up (for the first time) about some of his issues, I learned a lot about his early life that helped to explain some of his dysfunctional patterns. He even claimed he’d been uncomfortable about my history as a survivor of sexual violence and that his discomfort had factored into his aversion to intimacy with me. However, I eventually realized it wasn’t safe for me to continue spending time with him, so I closed the possibility of friendship.

I haven’t kept in touch or seen him in quite a few years. As far as I know, he is now married (to a woman) and has children, but I know nothing about their relationship. I hope he’s treating his wife well and setting a good example for their kids.

Various people from my life have had all manner of sensible hypotheses about why he behaved as he did… but since the hypotheses involve conjecture about his own potential issues, I’ll decline to elaborate on those here. ;)

In any event, of course, no matter how legitimate someone’s fear, stress, or pain, it’s not justifiable for them to act abusively toward their partners. Hence, I hope that you’ve settled into the peace of knowing that his behavior wasn’t your fault and that you do, indeed, deserve better. ❤