Great insights, Ashley!

I was paperclipped for over a year by a guy I was in love with. My gut told me he was a good person who didn't intend to hurt me and that the deep sense of connection I felt was mutual, but that he was being flaky because he was scared. We drifted apart eventually when I lost interest, and he stopped trying to reappear. Finally, over a decade after he first let me down, he resurfaced — not to win me back, but to come clean about the fact that he'd suffered from insecurity and intimacy fears when he was younger, thanks to a woman who'd hurt him terribly. Now that he had healed, he shared the most honest words he'd ever shared with me thus far, admitting unprompted that the sense of deep connection was mutual, and reaffirming my worth, saying that I deserve and will find a fantastic partner. I was blown away.

Unlike a lot of other commenters here, I believe that not everyone who's afraid of a relationship is a narcissist or is abusive. I don't even necessarily believe that all paperclippers are heartless, selfish, or TRYING to play you. Some people are just really afraid of vulnerability/relationships/rejection. So they keep trying to put themselves on a limb to test the waters of their courage... and then they get scared and step back. Sad, frustrating, and disappointing... but not cruel.

Your article summarized the pattern very well. I enjoyed the read and didn't even realize how common this was until I read it. Thank you!