Great essay, Y.L. At age 39, this hits very close to home. I've been talking to a lot of late-30s friends in recent months about a related problem: what to do when nothing is working. Particularly, what to do when nothing is working and you aren't the one doing anything "wrong." How do you fix a problem when the problem isn't you? And these are conversations I've been having with very well-adjusted, self-aware, healthy-choice, therapized people. Sometimes, all the "right" decisions still don't add up to "enough." It's tough to troubleshoot. It's demoralizing. It's exhausting. I, too, have wondered whether my path is to blaze an alternate trail. I truly hope you find your happily-ever-afters, and I hope you enjoy living your way into them.