First of all, I'm very sorry to hear that your mother died. I certainly hope you didn't encounter people who encouraged you to play down your grief!

As to your larger point, I agree that people will tolerate different levels of emotions, depending on the emotion itself and the situation or the relationship type. For instance, I have some friends (of any gender) who have expressed anxieties that I could not imagine trying to accommodate within a life partnership — and yet, we work great as friends, with no love lost and no lack of respect. And they are very happily partnered. As they deserve to be! Emotionally mature people might not always want to partner with you, but they would, at the very least, treat you with respect.

Meanwhile, one person's "strong" is another person's "weak." For instance, in my last abusive relationship, my ex criticized me as being weak for having PTSD over some experiences I endured on a semester abroad, but other people I met in later years expressed, by contrast, their amazement and admiration at how I navigated those situations and told me how brave and strong they think I am.

Ultimately, the only thing we can control in our relationship with our emotions is whether we dare to live an authentic life and allow ourselves to open up to connection. There will always be emotionally immature people who would reject us for our vulnerabilities, and abusive people who would wound us for them. There are also perfectly kind, caring people who would realize, with some self-honesty, "Wow, I don't know how to be a good partner to a person with that kind of emotional landscape" — and opt not to partner with us. But the only way we can screen out the ones who are wrong for us is just to be who we are; the right ones will stay.

(At least this is how I like to conduct myself — even if there are never any guarantees of finding love, lol.)