Did I love the guy because he was unstable? I wouldn’t say so exactly, but unfortunately his instability did speak to the part of me that (back then) wanted to believe I could save/heal someone by loving them. So when he first flashed his volatility a couple weeks into dating, I didn’t see it as a red flag, but rather as an occasion to prove my willingness to be a good partner. I wasn’t in a healthy place back then, which, I guess, is why it “worked” as long as it did.

As for #9, that item wasn’t about sparking desire in others, but rather being in touch with the spark within oneself. There are guys whose appearance might “spark desire,” but if they seem flat and empty inside — they don’t have interests, hobbies, etc. — they come off as pretty boring, so they fail to spark desire after all. People who’ve done the work, by contrast, usually are in touch with their own inner spark. Just another one of the potential benefits of psychoemotional self-care, I guess.