Author's notes:

1) My chief intention here is to help raise awareness for men who are in relationships with abusive women. There are lots of sociological reasons why men in cishet relationships are uniquely disinclined to see themselves as vulnerable to abuse, or to dismiss the abuse they might suffer. Still, rest assured that no matter your gender, and no matter the gender of your partner(s), you deserve healthy connections and you are smart to screen for red flags. Toxic is toxic, no matter the genders involved. To that end, I hope this piece can help you too.

2) This piece is not written to shame or to foster resentment for abusive people. I believe that most people who engage in abusive behaviors are acting from a place of deep, unresolved emotional pain. They need compassionate mental healthcare to break their destructive cycles — and to heal. Nonetheless, I don’t mince words when teaching others how to recognize abuse, because it’s important to offer people clear insights that can protect them from harmful dynamics.