At no point did this essay say that it’s only “abuse” if it comes from one particular gender or another; you’ve projected sexism where it wasn’t at all present. If my ex were a woman, my point would be equally valid.

Withholding can be abusive, or it can be benign. This is ultimately true of many gestures. For example, taking the shared car in a couple can be abusive, if it’s done to spite, isolate, or intimidate one’s partner — or it can be perfectly fine if it’s done without abusive intent. Taking photos of your partner can be abusive if it’s done with the intention to embarrass, intimidate, or extort — or it can be perfectly fine if it’s done without abusive intent. And so on.

You seem confused about what abuse looks like and how to recognize it. This essay did include a variety of helpful links to clarify that for you, but if you have furthers concerns, I’d recommend that you talk to a therapist.

Finally, I don’t understand your disrespect for P.S. I Love You, but thanks for reading it anyway! It’s a great publication.