Ash, this sounds absolutely traumatizing, and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. I'll reiterate what someone else said though (possibly multiple someones — I haven't read all the comments) and assure you that not all suicide hotlines are like this. I was trained at one in China that operated in English, and it was our strict policy not to take contact details from callers, even if they begged us to. (For instance, if someone were to beg us to take their address and call a hospital to send some intervention to their home? Nope. Not allowed to do that. Not allowed to do call-backs either to check in on them.) We also had regulars who called just to talk when they felt stressed or lonely. We welcomed all of these calls. I truly hope that readers don't mistakenly assume that all or even most suicide hotlines will commit them; some suicide hotlines train their volunteers to help counsel callers into a less acutely dangerous place, which means that suicide hotlines — even without resorting to invasive referrals to treatment facilities — can save lives.

That said, it's great that you provided links to other resources besides! And fwiw, in our globally-connected world, you could probably call suicide hotlines abroad with an international calling app. My guess is they wouldn't try to send ambulances or police to where you are, and I imagine a lot of hotlines are happy to help anyone who calls, regardless of location. (At least that was how my line in China operated: we didn't turn anyone down, even if they weren't local.)

Thank you for sharing your story, and I hope you find much more peaceful days ahead. 💜