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13 Signs That Your Girlfriend Is Actually Abusive
Why it can be hard for men to recognize this, how to spot the signs, and what to do
If there’s any “silver lining” to the court case playing out right now between Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, it’s that they’re sparking much-needed cultural conversations about the fact that, yes, men can be abused, and women can be abusive. I’m not here to weigh in on the celebrity couple. I haven’t been following the case. But I’m glad that it, at least, is raising awareness.
So I want to contribute to the Zeitgeist by offering men — and partners of women — a general run-down of red flags to watch out for. Relationship abuse is a very personal topic for me; I spent 7 years with abusive men before going on to research the subject in the ivory tower. You could say I know a lot about it.
And abuse can entail so much more, and much more subtle behaviors, than a woman who goads you to relapse or purposely defecates in your bed. You need to recognize those behaviors.
While most sociological discussions on abuse tend to focus on women’s experiences as victims of men — because women are far more likely to experience repeated and severe violence by a (male) partner and are especially more likely to be hurt or killed by one (compared to the opposite gender…
